Haiti. Midnight. Dark mango trees. Bugs chirping. Passing motorcycles. Stillness. Another needy baby– needy of constant care and attention. One who cries anytime I stop the rhythmic bouncing or sit down. Again I walk in the darkness and long for sleep and my comfortable, waiting bed.
Here I am with the Lord, in the stillness. Asking myself the question, “If this is what God has me here for– this and only this, one baby after the other, one sleepless week after another –am I willing? Is this enough? Are they worth it? Is she, this limp child in my arms, worth it? What am I here for? Is it not to be poured out for my savior, whether it’s fun and exciting or mundane and repetitive? One diaper after the other, one bottle, one syringe, one lullaby… Am I willing?
What better time to meet with my savior than the middle of the night, when all are asleep and I cannot. Perhaps this is He beckoning me, slow down, seek Me, I am here. Don’t rush through the days so busy that you forget to seek Me. Perhaps this, a physically draining time, is meant to be a spiritually refreshing one.
What He will do in this baby’s life, her mama’s, or mine, through this I do not know. But there is a purpose in everything and everything taken in the right spirit can become the greatest blessing. Even that high pitched scream at 2 a.m. exactly one minute after you finally laid down.